Spoody Bloonerisms!

So I was having a conversation about roofies - the date rape drug, and I managed to confuse myself.
Instead of saying date rape, I said drape rate.

Imagine what would happen if you got that mixed up in real life - if you drugged someone with a drape rate drug by mistake. Instead of being able to have your wicked way with someone, you would have them giving their harsh and honest opinion of your window dressings - oh the horror!

Sneaky Sneaky Hobos

Does anyone else get mystery hair (human or animal) all over their clothes with no contact from either?

Seriously, I feel like when I sleep, hobos and stray cats climb in my window and just shake themselves out over me, then proceed to leave just as quietly as they arrived.

Stupid hobos and their stealthy practical jokes...

The Sad Volcano

There once was a volcano with an emotional disorder.

When she felt down, she would build up her lava inside, press it all down deep to put on a strong front.

But every so often it would burst out, hurting the people she loved.

She hated hurting the people she loved, so would bottle everything up again, leading to the same result.

I guess you could say it was a viscous cycle.

Hahahahahaha

How to Avoid a Horrible Death

Once upon a time, there was a girl who watched a scary movie.

That girl sat on her computer until the wee hours of the night because she didn't want to sleep, 'cause that's when they STRIKE.

She heard a noise behind her, and turned to see that, upon the wall, there was A FACE!






The face was reasonably inoffensive in aesthetic, but the mesmerising quality was the hair.

Dayum girl that hair look fine.

After being captivated for a good while, a revelation dawned. It was...




HER OWN FACE!
She was pleasantly surprised that her hair had survived all day in a ragged bun but still looked good in the reflection.

She was so pleased, in fact, that she cleared the stuff off her bed and went to sleep.





And that, kids, is how you overcome fear.


*Guitar solo of success*

An Inquiry

You know what's hilarious?

No seriously, it's a question.

...'Cause I really got nothing.


ERIC FAIL

An Epic Battle

There is an epic battle being waged. This battle involves a bunny and a badger and some unintended alliteration.

And it's going on in my head.

The two parties are, on the one side, motivation, and on the other side, procrastination. For the purposes of the following dialogue, motivation is an enthusiastic, small, pink, fluffy rabbit wearing Harry Potter glasses. Procrastination is a too-cool-for-gruel badger in a leather jacket. It's going a little like this:

Motivation: Get up! It's time to do your essay! It was due 2 days ago! Go go go!

Procrastination: You know what would be cool, to lay in bed and play out your weddings if they were with different people.

Motivation: Yeah, that would be cool - wait! Your studies are important! Get your bootylicious butt up!

*Interlude where boyfriend rings me up and I get up, partly because he asks, and partly because I feel guilty that I was thinking of marrying other people, if even in a purely hypothetical sense*

Ok, so now I'm on the computer at 9:11am, feeling successful -

Motivation: Time for study! Good thing you left your computer on last night with those journal articles up so that you could look at them first thing!

Procrastination: You should get your day started by looking at facebook and emails. Go on, new tab and click the shortcut - it's right there.

Motivation: Ooh yes, and you can see if you won at sleazeball bingo yet! [I haven't yet, but the request is still pending] And then see if there's any drama unfolding on other people's- hey wait, it's essay time! You should feel guilty because you have to study a whole year's worth of course material tomorrow, so the sooner you finish thi-AGH! *sploosh!* [Procrastination just threw her motorcycle helmet, knocking Motivation clear into a bowl of pea soup].

Procrastination: Ooh, that Sonny Bill Williams is one suave dude, we should Google image him. After that we can watch Lonely Island videos and attempt to stalk Jorma's wife and see if there's any chance she'll leave him so we can have him to ourselves!

Now it's 1:07pm, I'm feeling less successful -

Motivation: [Now green and soggy, and infinitely less attractive] Eurgh, this is never gonna come out. *angry bunny eyes* ESSAY!

Procrastination: Food!

*I go to get fudge and juice and open up my essay document upon my return*

Motivation:There we go. Now. Write ALL the words!

*10 minutes and a word count later*

Procrastination: Ugh, you've done 15% of it, go and have a break.

Motivation: NO! MORE WORDS!

Procrastination: You should Google Legolas. He's one sexy E.L.F (if ya know what I mean)...

Motivation: We all know you're partial to a bit of Orly, but without completing this essay soon, you won't have enough time to study tomorrow and YOU SHALL NOT PASS!  ... See what I did there? 

Procrastination: One cannot simply get off Google images.

Motivation: You wicked badger, always one-upping me with your clever pop-culture/meme related puns. That's what I get for trying to be culturally relevant and humourous at the same time. 

Procrastination: Meh.

These two characters frequent my thoughts so often now that I think I'm becoming immune to the real-world consequences of my actions. I justify this by telling myself that I will learn my lesson when I get my marks back. Unfortunately the cause and effect process doesn't work properly in my head, and instead of attributing my poor grade to my lackluster motivation and subsequent extreme procrastination, I get angry at the lecturer for not appreciating my work.

I am going to have some lunch and get dressed and then finish my essay. After finishing it I will leave it for a while and go back to check it. Hold me to that, internet!