An Epic Battle

There is an epic battle being waged. This battle involves a bunny and a badger and some unintended alliteration.

And it's going on in my head.

The two parties are, on the one side, motivation, and on the other side, procrastination. For the purposes of the following dialogue, motivation is an enthusiastic, small, pink, fluffy rabbit wearing Harry Potter glasses. Procrastination is a too-cool-for-gruel badger in a leather jacket. It's going a little like this:

Motivation: Get up! It's time to do your essay! It was due 2 days ago! Go go go!

Procrastination: You know what would be cool, to lay in bed and play out your weddings if they were with different people.

Motivation: Yeah, that would be cool - wait! Your studies are important! Get your bootylicious butt up!

*Interlude where boyfriend rings me up and I get up, partly because he asks, and partly because I feel guilty that I was thinking of marrying other people, if even in a purely hypothetical sense*

Ok, so now I'm on the computer at 9:11am, feeling successful -

Motivation: Time for study! Good thing you left your computer on last night with those journal articles up so that you could look at them first thing!

Procrastination: You should get your day started by looking at facebook and emails. Go on, new tab and click the shortcut - it's right there.

Motivation: Ooh yes, and you can see if you won at sleazeball bingo yet! [I haven't yet, but the request is still pending] And then see if there's any drama unfolding on other people's- hey wait, it's essay time! You should feel guilty because you have to study a whole year's worth of course material tomorrow, so the sooner you finish thi-AGH! *sploosh!* [Procrastination just threw her motorcycle helmet, knocking Motivation clear into a bowl of pea soup].

Procrastination: Ooh, that Sonny Bill Williams is one suave dude, we should Google image him. After that we can watch Lonely Island videos and attempt to stalk Jorma's wife and see if there's any chance she'll leave him so we can have him to ourselves!

Now it's 1:07pm, I'm feeling less successful -

Motivation: [Now green and soggy, and infinitely less attractive] Eurgh, this is never gonna come out. *angry bunny eyes* ESSAY!

Procrastination: Food!

*I go to get fudge and juice and open up my essay document upon my return*

Motivation:There we go. Now. Write ALL the words!

*10 minutes and a word count later*

Procrastination: Ugh, you've done 15% of it, go and have a break.

Motivation: NO! MORE WORDS!

Procrastination: You should Google Legolas. He's one sexy E.L.F (if ya know what I mean)...

Motivation: We all know you're partial to a bit of Orly, but without completing this essay soon, you won't have enough time to study tomorrow and YOU SHALL NOT PASS!  ... See what I did there? 

Procrastination: One cannot simply get off Google images.

Motivation: You wicked badger, always one-upping me with your clever pop-culture/meme related puns. That's what I get for trying to be culturally relevant and humourous at the same time. 

Procrastination: Meh.

These two characters frequent my thoughts so often now that I think I'm becoming immune to the real-world consequences of my actions. I justify this by telling myself that I will learn my lesson when I get my marks back. Unfortunately the cause and effect process doesn't work properly in my head, and instead of attributing my poor grade to my lackluster motivation and subsequent extreme procrastination, I get angry at the lecturer for not appreciating my work.

I am going to have some lunch and get dressed and then finish my essay. After finishing it I will leave it for a while and go back to check it. Hold me to that, internet!